An Academy of One

What if all the Academy Award nominations were chosen by one person? What if that one person were me? Well, here's your answer...

(none of the shorts programs are included, I ain't got time for that)

Cinematography
American Honey
The Handmaiden
La La Land
Moonlight
Sunset Song

Film Editing
Krisha
La La Land
Lemonade
Moonlight
Silence

Music (Original Score)
The Handmaiden
Jackie
La La Land
Lemonade
Sing Street

Music (Original Song)
"Another Day of Sun" (La La Land)
"City of Stars" (La La Land)
"I'm So Humble" (Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping)
"Someone in the Crowd" (La La Land)
"Up" (Sing Street)

Honorable mention: every goddamn Beyoncé song in Lemonade.

Documentary (Feature)
Cameraperson
Memories of a Penitent Heart
No Home Movie
O.J.: Made in America
Tower

Animated Feature
Kubo and the Two Strings
Moana
Sausage Party
Tower
Zootopia

I'll admit to not seeing as many animated features as one would like in someone nominating for this category.

Production Design
10 Cloverfield Lane
The Handmaiden
La La Land
The Love Witch
Sunset Song

Costume Design
The Handmaiden
Everybody Wants Some!!
Jackie
La La Land
The Love Witch

Makeup and Hairstyling
Jackie
Love & Friendship
The Love Witch
The Neon Demon
Swiss Army Man

Sound Editing
10 Cloverfield Lane
Arrival
The Handmaiden
La La Land
Silence

Sound Mixing
10 Cloverfield Lane
Arrival
Don't Breathe
Krisha
La La Land

Visual Effects
Arrival
The Jungle Book
Kubo and the Two Strings
The Mermaid
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Foreign Language Film
Elle
The Handmaiden
Our Little Sister
Right Now, Wrong Then
Toni Erdmann

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Arrival
The Handmaiden
Moonlight
Our Little Sister
Silence

Writing (Original Screenplay)
10 Cloverfield Lane
La La Land
Manchester by the Sea
Paterson
Toni Erdmann

Supporting Actor
Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)
André Holland (Moonlight)
Shia LaBeouf (American Honey)
Glen Powell (Everybody Wants Some!!)
Trevante Rhodes (Moonlight)

Supporting Actress
Viola Davis (Fences)
Greta Gerwig (20th Century Women)
Lily Gladstone (Certain Women)
Gillian Jacobs (Don't Think Twice)
Angourie Rice (The Nice Guys)

Director
Maren Ade (Toni Erdmann)
Andrea Arnold (American Honey)
Park Chan-wook (The Handmaiden)
Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)

For whatever it's worth, only four women ever have been nominated for Best Director and I have two here, so eat that!

Actor
Casey Affleck (Manchester By the Sea)
Adam Driver (Paterson)
Andrew Garfield (Silence)
Ryan Gosling (The Nice Guys)
Denzel Washington (Fences)

I find it amusing that two of these (Garfield & Gosling) are nominated by the actual Academy, but for performances different than the ones I've listed here.

Actress
Krisha Fairchild (Krisha)
Sandra Hüller (Toni Erdmann)
Isabelle Huppert (Elle)
Hailee Steinfeld (The Edge of Seventeen)
Emma Stone (La La Land)

Picture
(You've no doubt already read my list of the best movies of 2016, so this is just the top 10 in alphabetical order.)
American Honey
Certain Women
The Handmaiden
Krisha
La La Land
Moonlight
Our Little Sister
Paterson
Sunset Song
Toni Erdmann

Some stats:

La La Land and Moonlight match their actual nomination count, with 14 and 8 apiece, respectively. The Handmaiden, which had no actual nominations, here has a whopping 9. Arrival, which had 8 nominations, here only has 4. Other movies earning at least 3 nods: Toni Erdmann (5), American Honey (4), Krisha (4), Silence (4), 10 Cloverfield Lane (4), Paterson (3), Sunset Song (3), Our Little Sister (3), The Love Witch (3), Jackie (3).

Later this week:
My hopes and predictions for the real awards...